Em and I spoke at our local NAMI Affiliate’s “Family to Family” class the other evening, and were blessed by each of the participants in so many ways.
For example, there was a physician in attendance as a student who, towards the end of the session, shared with all what only a few seem to know. He reminded us that a mental illness is just that, an illness. It is biological in nature, therefore, like other illnesses, it responds to appropriate treatment. The challenge we face is helping those who suffer to realize that they suffer from an illness and that they should seek treatment.
There is that “Should” word. A professional peer of mine long, long ago was fond of saying, “Thou shall not ‘should’ on others”. Unless someone is asking for your opinion and they trust you, the word “should” usually results in either a defensive reaction or “shutting down”.
I love the book, “I’m not sick, I don’t need help”, by Xavier Amador. The title alone defines the problem that those of us who love someone who suffers from a mental illness face in total frustration. How do you break through their defensive reaction, or total shut down?
When my daughter, Emily, had her first diagnoses, Bipolar Disorder Rapid Cycle, she was prescribed a number of different psychotropic meds. My reaction? Great! We know what the problem is and the pills will take care of the problem. It took me a year before I was willing to admit that my behavior, as her father, was keeping her from her path to recovery. My behavior more often than not, caused her to shut down. On occasion, she would rise in defiance. The net result was that I was blocking her road to recovery.
But that is another story. It was impossible for me to realize my behavior was having such a negative impact upon Em’s recovery because I didn’t understand the complexities of all that’s involved in someone’s recovery. NAMI’s Family to Family course was the course that opened my eyes.
I assume that if you are reading this, you most likely have a loved one who suffers from a mental illness. If you are a parent, like me, I encourage you to go to NAMI.org to learn more about “Family to Family”. You’ll never solve the problem until you understand the root cause. You’ll never understand the root cause unless you take that first step, seeking the help you need. Once you take that step and begin to understand, then, and only then will you be able to start your own journey on becoming the kind of father your child needs you to be.
Stop looking at the reality of your current family situation and begin to imagine what you want it to be. In my case, my vision was “living in an emotionally safe home to which my family could return at the end of each day in peace and joy.” NAMI’s Family to Family course helped me see the way that vision could become closer to reality.
What are you waiting for? www.nami.org/
